News: - Founded by a group of enthusiasts to promote financial literacy

Main Menu

Why is it scary to step out of our comfort zone?

Started by Admin, Apr 12, 2023, 01:02 PM

Previous topic - Next topic
Topic keywords [SEO] comfortzone


Why do we sometimes prefer to leave things as they are - even if the situation is like a swamp in which we are bogged down? Why is it scary to end a destructive relationship, to leave our comfort zone, to change lives? When the desire to change the situation and leave things as they are conflicts, so do the two urges to LIFE and to die.
Both were described by Freud; in Beyond the Pleasure Principle he explained why the urge to live is so difficult to break through in our psyche. It requires us to overcome frustration, to move on, to grow - but at the same time we have a strong longing for constancy and peace. The psyche seeks to avoid encountering anything that will cause tension or dissatisfaction and "eat away" physical and emotional resources.
All new and unexplored things belong to this category.
For example, we want to end a relationship, but instead we agree to meet our partner again and again. It may not be comfortable to be together anymore, but it is clear and familiar. What does libido have to do with it?
Any endeavor requires energy - in psychology it is called "libido". Libido is the attention, feelings, energy and interest that we invest in the object - whether it be a person, work, creativity, or anything else. Not everyone has an easy time investing their libido, because there is no guarantee that it will pay off: relationships can disappoint, professions can become boring, etc.

Getting out of one's comfort zone is always a change. And they are frightening when a person sees behind them the risk of loss, which he or she fears not to cope with.
This fear has its roots in infancy.
In the first months of life, the infant feels all-powerful: the world seems to exist only for him and his mother loves him and fulfils his wishes instantly. Later on, however, the infant begins to notice that the mother no longer picks her up at first request: it turns out she has other things to do.

This is how a child faces his first loss - the loss of omnipotence. And it causes its first little grief. If the mother containers the child's experiences, returns after an absence - the child lives through the grief and later on finds it easier to cope with the loss.
But if the child is rejected or, on the contrary, overprotected, the grief cannot be "digested".
And then any losses in the future bring him/her back to infancy.
Such a person will do everything in their power to avoid loss and resist change.

What else is behind the desire to leave things as they are?

It may be positive meanings that we are not aware of. It is important to keep a relationship, a job, a way of life because we get something out of it. Ask yourself: "What needs am I fulfilling: the desire to be loved, to be valued, to be noticed?"
Or are we afraid of losing what we have - and getting nothing in return. What if we get out of the relationship and never meet anyone else? But change requires the courage to take risks - and the acceptance that loss is inevitable. After all, without loss, there can be no gain.

How do you decide to change?

To begin with, it's a good idea to understand the meaning of change: why am I taking this step and giving up what I have? It is also important to realise that change causes resistance, takes time, requires persistence and courage. It may not work right away - and that's okay.
It's great to have at least a rough plan with a sequence of actions at hand. It should take into account the difficulties that may arise along the way - and how to support yourself through them.
And most importantly, resources. It is worth thinking in advance about who and what can help and support you in the difficult time of change.